Live to the Max

Death happens for many reasons.

Sometimes it is disease.

Sometimes an accident.

Sometimes old age.

And sometimes self-surrender.

Each time, a professional evaluates the cause and carefully labels the end of life paperwork.

Cause of death, our final undoing.

Cause is defined as the “why” behind an event.

The explanation for “why” you died, all summed up in a couple of words on a government form.

And yet, “why” is the question I have carried with me these three years.

“Why” is the question I cried out as I held you for the last time.

You surrendered to death under the weight of hopelessness.

Perhaps the cause is far more complex.

In the wake of this loss, we are left to embrace a life now laced with pain.

And embrace it we must.

It is part of us now, the pain.

We continue to breathe, to endure, to choose life.

I haven’t learned yet how to get beyond day-to-day survival.

Perhaps in time I will.

But I have learned, I must look for the “cause of life” instead.

Where you chose to surrender to death, I find I must surrender to life.

Complete and total surrender to all the pieces and parts that come with living.

The joy, the pain.

The wins, the losses.

The ups, the downs.

For I’m convinced, there is a “why” behind my life.

God assures me nothing is wasted in His Kingdom.

Somehow, even tragedy is miraculously set right again.

How I long for that day.

For now, my perspective is limited, attempting to see the reflection of my life in a dimly lit mirror.

So I await heavenly clarity, while living in this earthly reality.

Choosing to pursue my cause of life, until I finally encounter my cause of death.