Forever.
What an incredibly complex word. Forever.
There are not many situations in life that fit this category.
There is a popular saying, “Nothing lasts forever!”
I think that’s true. Well, mostly.
Most things come in seasons.
Good situations must be enjoyed. Like they say, “All good things must come to an end.”
Bad situations must be endured. Like they say, “Hang in there! Better days are coming!”
But I’ve found…there are two things that truly are forever.
Motherhood and grief.
Once you become a mother, you are always a mother.
Come hell or high water, you are always a mother. Always.
Your life will never be the same beyond that moment.
Your protective instincts are awakened and you tap into a capacity to love that you never knew possible.
I’ve learned…motherhood is indeed forever.
Once you experience the loss of a child, you will always be a state of grief.
Despite the passage of time, there will always be a gaping hole in your chest that longs to hold them. Always.
Your life will never be the same beyond that moment.
Suddenly, and without warning, you collide with a sadness that is darker and deeper than anything you’ve ever known before.
I’ve learned…grief is indeed forever.
So much in life is temporary, yet an undeniable permanence is found in both motherhood and grief.
Two words that don’t belong together.
Mothers aren’t supposed to bury their children.
Everything inside of me screams out, “This isn’t right! It’s not supposed to be this way!”
But it is. For me, motherhood and grief now go together.
I am a mother. I am grieving.
I am a grieving mother.
These two separate things have become one.
They have merged together, unified by a death that didn’t have to be.
Every future joy will now be laced with pain.
Every possible glimpse of happiness is now contaminated with sorrow.
Motherhood and grief will never end. They are indeed forever.
For me, they will always be intertwined, my new identity.
This is the forever he chose for me.
I am a grieving mother.
Forever.
Live to the Max 
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