Live to the Max

There are roughly one million words in the English language.

Yet, not one of them comes close to describing the pain of losing you.

Devastating? Excruciating? Horrific?

No. These words aren’t deep enough. They aren’t dark enough.

I imagine, should the word ever be successfully crafted, it would be impossible to say out loud without consequence.

I imagine it would be physically painful to utter.

I imagine your vocal chords and tongue would seize and shake as you allowed each syllable to scrap from the bottom of your throat to the edge of your lips.

I imagine it would create an acidic burn along your esophagus, leaving you regretful for having said it.

I imagine allowing this word to audibly escape into existence would cause those in your presence to claw at their ears in agony for having heard it.

English is such a sophisticated language.

It is a generous language with an overflowing menu of adjectives for almost anything you can imagine.

And yet…there is not one word adequate to describe what now lives within me.

Torture? Misery? Torment?

Each word feels cheap in comparison to the reality of my experience.

This reality…it is indescribable. It is also inescapable.

It is always there. Always.

Pulsating beneath my skin like a horrible itch that will never be satisfied. Never.

Out of one million words, there is not one that comes close to describing the inescapable pain of losing you.

Not one in a million.