Live to the Max

Suffering seems to be a package deal with the torture of “why.”

Why did this happen?

Why can’t it be different? Why didn’t God intervene? Why didn’t He save you?

God can do anything He wants. Anything. So, why?

But really…is there any answer that could satisfy this pain? Would any explanation change my grief?

No, there is no way to suture a wound this deep.

Instead, I must ask a different question. It’s the same word…but a very different question.

I must not ask why you were taken from my arms, but I must ask why you were placed in my arms in the first place.

Why? Out of all of the mommas on earth, why me?

In this God chosen role, I discovered a new depth to love. A mother’s love. A “no matter what” love.

Being your mom has been the greatest adventure of my lifetime.

If I am bold enough to ask God why He would allow so much pain, I must also be bold enough to ask Him why He would grant me so much joy.

Without such tremendous joy, the pain wouldn’t have such a paralyzing effect.

It is because I love you so deeply that I now suffer so severely.

So, I’ll take it. I’ll take it all. The joy and the pain. The bliss and the suffering.

If loving you is a package deal with pain, sign me up.